Loving parents
in lovely homes should learn it this time that when their children grow into
adults, they can then lead their way of life. Instead of commanding,
negotiations work better! It is true you dearly love the children but please let them go!!
‘’They have no intention of growing
up. Why should they? The nest is too comfortable at home. Food is prepared,
temperature regulated, clothes are laundered and all bills are paid. There is
no incentive to face the cold world of reality.’’Dr. J.C.Dodson.
The final
challenge between parents and their children comes when the children mature
into young adults. Releasing children into the world is a difficult moment to
parents.
Dr. Dodson
in his research on parenting in USA, found this question so common in parents: “
what was the greatest problem faced in dealing with your parent , or in-laws,
and how how will you relate differently to your grown children than your
parents have done to you?”
Commonly the
answer was ; “the unwillingness of parents to release their children and permit
them to live their own lives” .
In his
findings some of his respondents put it this way;
·
“Mother felt that my leaving home was an insult. She
could not let go, she couldn't realise , I needed to become an independent
person.”
·
“One of the greatest problem is to have
my parents see me as an adult”.
·
“Our parents never seemed able to
grasp the reality of the fact that we had grown from dependent children, to
capable responsible adults”.
·
"I am 54 years old but when I visit my
mother I am still not allowed to do certain things such as peeling carrots,
because I do not do them correctly”
World over,
such are the problems that youths go through at the time when they have to
leave home to go and fend for themselves.
Adult children can lead their own way: When children become adults , parents must be careful to
avoid all kinds of interference in their affairs. They must treat them with
respect and refrain from telling them what to do because they are no longer small kids. The mutual respect between parents and their adult children brings
the two parties closer to each other. How do you treat your married children?
Married children must be treated with even greater respect. Mothers in-law
should not interfere in family affairs of their adult children. It creates un
necessary tension to the daughters in-law. Needless to mention, but the fathers
in-law should also give space.
Give children the skills to meet their
needs: Parents are
however, responsible for equipping the children with the necessary skills to
face the world with confidence. Even when the homes are very comfortable, food
is available, temperature is regulated, clothes are laundered and all bills are
cleared, children should learn the how of getting these things done. Adult children should not resist becoming independent.
Financial dependence on adult
children: In many developing countries there is great
financial dependence of parents on adult children. This puts financial pressure
on young families. The parents demand financial support from these children. Parents
should plan to avoid this for it creates much tension in their adult children.
During the
active working life , parents should make provision for their old age and
retirement. How is this with you? If a parent, do you give space to your adult
children? If you are an adult child, are you ready to face the reality of the
world? That is your food for thought.
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