Parents and adolescent children

Handling adolescent children

At adolescent age, parents have to change the way of dealing with their children; to renegotiate the relationship between them and their children.

Change technique: at adolescence, children reach a level of self sufficiency whereby they require less help in their studies and with their duties and fewer summons. Many parents are not ready for this and continue treating their children as if they were still small: this does not usually work.

Accept the psychological changes in an adolescent: Children at this age tend to have defiant attitude. As long as this does not get out of hand, parents should understand that this constitutes part of their psychological development and they should not over react to this behavior.

Apply caution in certain areas of hazardous behavior: Adolescence is accompanied by several risks which young people should be warned about; violent or high risk sports, drugs, sex, antisocial behavior and others.

Be prepared for emotional changes; in adolescence it is possible that children feel less close to their parents, insecure, embarrassed when with relatives, nervous with bruised self esteem… this emotional turmoil should be seen as a passing phase and parents need to exercise patience and treat their children with friendliness as opposed to bad temperateness.

Family instabilities

It is every one’s desire to make a stable and peaceful family. In fact when things have fallen apart elsewhere, our utmost desire would be getting rest at home.In our dreams we imagine an ideal home, where all issues are handled amicably; when mum and dad are at peace, and in agreement in matters at home. In the same way, when such peace is present at home, the children find joy to stay.Unfortunately, this kind of environment is no more in most of our homes. Different circumstances have brought disorganization and disharmony in our homes.

This time the environment got sour because of a pregnancy that one of the most loved children begot. It is said that in this home, there was a lot of love between the parents themselves and their children too. One of the girls was much more loved by her father and on several occasion he even moved with her.

This girl attended school and her performance was always pleasing to the parents. She was in her vacation after finishing high school and waiting to join university.  In this vacation is when she got the pregnancy.

The children’s out cry for love at home

Billy Graham tells a story about a college girl who was critically injured in a car accident. As she lay dying, she said to her mother, “mom, you taught me everything I needed to know to get by in life- low to light my cigarette, how to hold my cocktail glass, how to have intercourse without getting pregnant. But you never taught me how to die. Teach me quick, mom, because I’m dying.”

The police arrested a 17 year old boy and sent him to a detention home to await trial, where he suddenly went berserk. He wrenched a piece of radiator pipe loose, broke every window he could reach, and then banged on the pipes for four hours, until when he was subdued by tear gas. Later, when questioned about his spree (action/ misbehavior), he said, “I had nothing to lose. I have already lost the only thing that could have kept me and this was my parents.”

Economic empowerment of young adults is a duty of their parents

“A man rises to the level of his superiors or falls to the level of his inferiors according to the class he emulated through his choice of associates.”- Napoleon Hill

The challenge of unemployment: universities and tertiary institutions send out graduates all the time who cannot find work for years after graduation. This is the cause of many social challenges among youths.

Sources of economic livelihood for people:  we can generate income when we;

Get employed: - this is the largest source of income in public and private sectors. A salary is paid for the labour.

Specialize in different services: - experts in different fields are paid well for their services. These can be lawyers, doctors, auditors, engineers, and accountants.

Do entrepreneurship: - when we set up small, medium and large scale businesses, we get a profit from the sells made or services provided.

Make Investments: - investors use their money to acquire assets and businesses which generate money. Investors use their money to work for them.

Economic empowerment of the young: today there is a lot of economic challenge. Parents should consider activities that can generate money and teach the young to do them. Income nowadays can come from areas including but not limited to:- transport, marketing, trading, shop keeping, food production, bee keeping, hair dressing, tailoring, mechanics, carpentry, building, painting, plumbing, compound designing, baking, dry cleaning, accounting poultry and animal rearing.

The trouble when Children are Leaving their parents’ homes!

Loving parents in lovely homes should learn it this time that when their children grow into adults, they can then lead their way of life. Instead of commanding, negotiations work better! It is true you dearly love the children but please let them go!!

‘’They have no intention of growing up. Why should they? The nest is too comfortable at home. Food is prepared, temperature regulated, clothes are laundered and all bills are paid. There is no incentive to face the cold world of reality.’’Dr. J.C.Dodson.

The final challenge between parents and their children comes when the children mature into young adults. Releasing children into the world is a difficult moment to parents.

Dr. Dodson  in his research on parenting in USA, found this question so common in parents: “ what was the greatest problem faced in dealing with your parent , or in-laws, and how how will you relate differently to your grown children than your parents have done to you?”

Commonly the answer was ; “the unwillingness of parents to release their children and permit them to live their own lives” .

In his findings some of his respondents put it this way;

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           “Mother  felt that my leaving home was an insult. She could not let go, she couldn't realise , I needed to become an independent person.”

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             “One of the greatest problem is to have my parents see me as an adult”.

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         “Our parents never seemed able to grasp the reality of the fact that we had grown from dependent children, to capable responsible adults”.

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       "I am 54 years old but when I visit my mother I am still not allowed to do certain things such as peeling carrots, because I do not do them correctly”