What wives wish their husbands knew about women ! (part1)

In a research conducted by James Dobson, on young women in the ages of 27-40 years, it was revealed that the leading causes of depression among married women: low self-esteem, fatigue, loneliness, and an absence of romantic love.

The women said that the leading in descending order are: absence of romantic love in marriage; in-law conflict; Low self-esteem; problems with the children; financial difficulties; loneliness, isolation and boredom; sexual problems in marriage; menstrual and physiological problems; fatigue and time pressure; and ageing.

The four most frequently- named causes of depression by women he surveyed were: Low self-esteem; Fatigue and time pressure; Loneliness, isolation and boredom; and absence of romantic love in marriage.

What wives wish their husbands knew about women! (part 3)

Care for your Spouse:

Human beings particularly women tolerate stresses and pressures much more easily if at least one other person knows they are enduring it.

The frustrations of raising small children and handling household duties would be much more manageable if husbands acted as it they comprehended it all. Even if a man does nothing to change the situation, simply his awareness that his wife did an admirable job today will make it easier for her to repeat the assignment tomorrow.

Instead, the opposite usually occurs. Millions of husbands will stumble into the same unforgivable questions tonight: “what did you do all day dear?” This very nature of the question implies that the ‘little woman’ has been sitting around watching television since arising at noon!

Everyone needs to know that he/she is respected for the way he or she meets responsibilities. Husbands get this emotional nurture through job promotion, pay rises, and incidental praise during the work day. Women at home get it from their husbands-if they get it at all. The most unhappy wives and mothers are often those who try to handle their fatigue and time pressure in solitude, and their men are never sure why they act so tired.

Husbands and wives should constantly guard against the scourge of over commitment. Even worthwhile and enjoyable activities become damaging when they consume the remaining free moments of the day. 

What wives wish their husbands knew about women! (Part 2)

 Fatigue and time pressure.

The second most depressing irritant in marriage according to the poll conducted by James Dobson is Fatigue and time pressure.

Frequently our heads do spin and whirl with the obligations of the impossible to do lists we have.  We say, I must get the bills paid this morning and the shopping cannot wait another day. And my children! I’ve had so little time to be with them lately that we hardly seem like a family any more. May be I can read them a story to night. And we really should be taking more time for our spiritual lives. That’s one area we cannot afford to neglect.

Balancing business and relationships

Relationships are never easy, but being an entrepreneur presents a unique set of challenges when it comes to balancing the demands of work and with the needs of a romantic partner. After entrepreneurial drive nearly broke up their seven year marriage, Brad Feld and Amy Batchelor overcame the challenges and wrote a book about their experience. Startup life: surviving and thriving in a relationship with an entrepreneur (Wiley, 2013) explores the difficulties entrepreneurs and their spouses face when balancing the demands of work and romance.

“The passion, excitement, and commitment that the entrepreneur has to work are the same qualities that will bring to the relation, which seems like an advantage; but enthusiasm unbounded leads to exhaustion in both work and relationship context,” says Feld. Take these steps to improve both your business and relationship success.

Schedule together time: Feld says setting priorities and making schedule changes to accommodate the needs of your relationship can help strengthen your bond. Feld, a managing director at Foundry Group never schedules high priority activities or deadlines on a Friday, as doing so is likely to create a scenario where work drifts into Friday night and even the weekend. Feld and Batchelor are also strong proponents of family “life dinners” where they go out of the house to talk about the past month while setting goals for the next month. “Having a scheduled time together on the calendar can give you both something to look forward to,” says Feld.

Reasons for marriage

Going into marriage is a choice people usually make. Every people have their own reasons for this decision. Dr. Kevin.H and others in the book Family matter; a guide to family life, gave a list of  reasons for getting married.

Any combination of the following reasons may be given for marriage:

• We are madly in love.
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• I want a home and a family of my own.
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• I find my companion sexually attractive.
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• I want to get away from my parents.
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• We share similar interests and tastes.

The laws of love

Balance; the first law of love

There is no pure formula for a love relationship. Every relationship will have its own unique mix and balance of motives and style of love. A balance in love styles involves an awareness of emotions and needs and a commitment to learning how best to express and fulfill them in order to express one’s deepest appreciation and affection for the other.

Elements for each style of love serve a helpful purpose. Romantic love idealizes the other, affirming each other’s strengths. Mutual dependency reminds each other of the commitment to fulfill the other’s needs. Friendships love ensures an enduring bond on which love may grow. Egoistic love suggests a pride in knowing that each belongs to the other. Altruistic concern offers an active, caring ingredient to a relationship. However, when a couple’s relationship is stuck in only one or two styles of love the relationship becomes unbalanced and real needs which are met by the other styles of love go unfulfilled.

Lessons on marriage!

Marriage lessons from Kenya

When I was in Nairobi recently, I learnt a few lessons from the Kenyans. The first lesson was that it is not enough to build a house, because someone else will do anything possible to grab it from you including your life. So they not only invest in perimeter was with barbed mesh but they also install an electric fence and guard! Unfortunately, due to power outages and human error, security is not always tight!

Second lesson was that a padlock on your door is not enough to keep out burglars, thanks to the increasing number of blacksmiths, any key can be duplicated. So some people add a backup called a deadlock. I wish I draw a correlation between the above security scenarios and marriage:

So you come across this gorgeous girl, intone your charm, propose marriage to her and walk down the aisle. But then there is some big snag; there’s no guarantee that what attracted you to her, may not attract other men. 

In fact, it appears that some unscrupulous characters prey on married women because of “guaranteed security”! I know of some men who insist that their wives stay at home for fear that when they go to work they could fall prey! In so doing, they end up infringing on the rights of the women they claim to love so much, while themselves are entirely exposed to the insecurity in the world.

A Love So Sweet!

A “love so sweet”, the desire of man!

Gone are days when we used to love with our hearts, care for the loved ones as though caring for a precious stone which would break any time. There are days when I thought love was the best thing on earth and the best treasure that God ever gave to man. When I look at my grandparents, I just keep on wondering how far they have come and how they trekked together through the thick and thin times, for they never stopped looking lovingly at one another or ever caring for each other.

A “love so sweet” it was when I was with him feeling like it’s the end of it all and believing that my heart had found the best of its kind; a love full of comfort, peace, joy, happiness, laughter, and   most of all love. That sweet love that he blessed my life with made to believe that I had earned my precious gift from the heavens. There are times we argued like any lovers do but this too never tore us apart. My life, changed for the better with his love.

He married a pregnant woman! Relationship matters

She married a new man while  pregnant!

This comes to you as true story! Read it and draw lessons about relationships.

Sometime ago, there was a lady and gentle man who got interested in each other. Before they made thorough decisions, they started happening together. It was not long from that, that the lady conceived. She informed the man, who chose to run away on receiving the news and was not seen for a number of years from that time.

The pregnancy she carried had twin children, a boy and a girl. With that disappointment from the man, she hooked up with a new man who didn’t know her pregnancy status. With this new man they stayed until she produced. Their culture gives special names to the father and mother of twins. The father is referred to as ‘’Salongo’’ and the mum- ‘’Nalongo’’. The man was so happy to be given the title of Salongo.

Following the twins, she produces other children, now for the new husband and the family moved on fairly well. After eight years had passed, the first man (father to the twins) came back and demanded for his children. He told the woman that he wanted his children in all ways at whatever cost. The woman gathered courage after sometime and informed her husband about it. The Salongo rejected her request and he said he would never give away those children as it would put his name and family to shame.

FUNDAMANTALS FOR LASTING RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES

Love that will last until old age

Today I bring to you suggestions to help you start your relationships properly so that you do not regret the person you chose for a spouse. It isn’t simply a feeling to stay with a person. There are true principles that you must base on to see your marriages successful.

·         Those who intend marry need to have many interests that they like to do together.

·         They should feel proud to be friends to each other.

·         Should feel the need to apologize for the things they have done wrong.

·         Should suffer from a feeling of unrest when the other is away from them.

·         Should be willing to please your companion, and be quite glad to give way even on your own preference.

CO-WIVES RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHILDREN

What is the matter with co-wives?

A story is told of a woman who got married to someone’s husband. As usual the new woman was not welcomed, however, they stayed. The older woman produced a baby, and when one day she was away, the new woman, got the baby, covered the kid in a source pan and cooked him! What followed thereafter was disastrous!

Another story is also told of a woman who involved herself in witchcraft, to bewitch the daughter of a co-wife who had just completed her university degree studies. It is said that the bewitched girl, ran mad up to date. What is wrong with co-wives!

I have personally seen a woman going in for someone’s husband whose wedding she attended in person. Today she has a baby boy and feels very sweet about it because the former woman had not yet got any child. In addition, the husband has devised means to expel and divorce the former woman. The matters are tough.

The secret to great sex in your marriage!

‘’How can a woman enjoy sex?’’  I whispered to the counselor on phone. ‘Please speak louder, I really cannot hear you,’ she said. After turning my head right and left to ensure that no one was listening in, I tried again, this time louder. Such is the way most young women handle sexual issues-shyly.

Miss Olivia, the pioneer of marriage counseling in the catholic church, Kampala Archdiocese, understood the weight of this question and agreed to see me. She has been married for 25 years, and a counselor for 15 years says that people think that to enjoy ‘good morning lung tonic’-a term she coined to refer to sex – is the preserve of men. They are wrong, it should go both ways, she emphasizes.

‘’A man should improvise to see that the woman enjoys sex if all is to be well in the house,’’. A happy marriage creates happy children and a happy home.  Before you start relating intimately, you should have talked about how many children you want, who will buy what in your home, how many times you want sex a week. 

Happy marriages, happy relationships!

Being happy is a desire for every human being. In fact it is a need for human existence. Survival of families, relationships and marriages needs happiness as an ingredient. When happiness is lacking, misery is the immediate counterpart.

Many people have no control over their emotional well-being. They feel ecstatic when good stuff happens and depressed when things go wrong. Their lives are roller coaster rides: sometimes up, sometimes way down.

But what if you could be happy no matter what happens?

You’d stay calm when your car breaks down and your boss shouts at you. You’d stop feeling lonely when there’s no one to talk to on a rainy day. You’d never lose sleep over a relationship that isn’t working out.

If being in command of your emotional state sounds good, take charge of your life with these easy to apply tips.

MAKING A STRONG MARRIAGE

WHAT MAKES A STRONG MARRIAGE?

NICK Stinnett found six qualities which are useful in making happy and stable marriages. When they lacked in certain homes, the couples divorced.

Appreciation: spouses have high expectations of being appreciated.  This has to be done regularly and frequently. They need affection, praising and encouragement.  In doing this the self-esteem of your partner goes high and feels the worth of being a member in that family. Marriage partners complain of falling out of love- most often it is not so, they have simply stopped affirming each other and take themselves for granted.  Communication of sincere appreciation is the barometer of a happy marriage.

ANGER IN MRRRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS

Anger in Marriage and relationships

Feelings of anger are inevitable in marriage when two people have decided to live together sharing their lives. People give up their separateness and join in interdependence. The way a married couple handles angering situations will determine their success and happiness. 

Anger is a normal human emotion and it is much part of us. It is the natural emotional response to frustration and uncertainty conveying a message telling us that something is wrong. Anger is a not so much an attack as it is a cry for help and love. This cry needs to be met as soon as it is noticed and for the relationship to be restored. When couples get angry they are basically saying that they love the other person too much to let the frustration the relationship.  The opposite of love is not anger, but apathy and disinterest.  Couples should handle the symptoms of anger to keep their love burning.

COMMUNICATION THE HINGE FOR WORKING RELATIONSHIPS

Communication is the act of transferring information from one place to another. It may be Spoken or Verbal Communication: face-to-face, telephone, radio, television or other media; Non-Verbal by body language, gestures, dress, action or scent; or written in letters, e-mails, books, magazines, the Internet or other media. Regardless of the type, the desired outcome or goal of any communication process is understanding. The participants have to negotiate their role in this process, whether consciously or unconsciously.

In the face-to-face communication the roles of the sender and receiver are not distinct as both parties communicate with each other, eye-contact, and general body language voice tone give clues to our mood or emotional state. Being able to communicate effectively is the most important of all life skills.

First Response: The course of a conflict is not determined by the person who initiates, but by the person who responds. Stephen Covey wrote that we have response ability. You may feel it's okay to strike at someone verbally because, "He is picking a fight with me." You may be correct, but that person does not have the power to decide whether a fight actually occurs. That power rests with the responder. As Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." You can be turn anger into a better situation if you properly season your words. Your wife's sin does not give you free license to sin in return.   With this principle of first response, we can redirect a poorly spoken comment

HONEYMOON AT HOME CAN BE MEMORABLE

 Most newlyweds are eager to go relax after the many hustles of preparing the wedding day. They bother a lot to find a visa and other travel documents so that they hold a memorable honey moon. However, you can make a memorable honey moon at home. Here is the way to plan a romantic, home based honeymoon! Read on.

Get off line

Just as you wouldn’t spend two weeks in Paris or Zanzibar in an internet café browsing, similarly do not pay attention to the emails and voicemails during your stay at home honey moon. The number one rule to guide you is no cell phones, no computers. Tell the people you will be travelling abroad so they won’t show up at your door.

Order in or eat out

To further make it different from the normal home routine, let someone else do the work of feeding the two of you. Eat out at very meal, order in or prepare a bunch of food ahead of time. If a nearby bed-and-breakfast is within your budget, go there for a night or several.

THE FIVE LOVE ACTS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

Love isn’t simply a talk but action; I feel we should drive through some activities that can revive and bring to life our relationships, particularly the marriages. The following five acts of love that will surely rock your marriage!  If you and your spouse will implement them into your marriage you will always remember this article!

Normally, when people have just got married they simply believe that their love is true and their love will last.  But because we see many suffering divorce, this belief is definitely not enough to keep the marriage healthy and ongoing. I don’t know how you started off in your marriage, happily, sadly, thriving, or stumbling through the gate, every couple needs to learn these acts of love if they want to remain happy.

The first act:  Having fun together

When is the last time you just went out together and had fun? Been a while hasn’t it. Going out to have fun is done by many, before they get married, and as soon as they marry, they forget it. Some people give excuses for this such as children, money, time .etc. do not allow these factors to keep you from having fun together! Find a day in a week or a month for having fun with your spouse. Make no excuses to miss. Even if you got a conflict, ignore it for the sake of your outing.  You can discuss the issues calmly when you return home and not on that day. Having fun brought you together, so doing it keeps you going.

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR FIANCE' BEFORE MARRIAGE

How much do you know about your fiancé’! Relationships and marriage matters;

It matters a lot to know who you are before you get married. I have this time chosen to bring you these questions to find out how much you know the one you intend to marry. Knowing is a sign of caring. You need to learn daily! Knowing your fiancé’s or spouse’s back ground, tastes and interests is good for you.

The questions designed are as follows:-

1. What is their full name?

2. What is their favorite flavor of ice cream?

3. What was or is their favorite subject in school?

4. How old were they when they first kissed?

5. What is their favorite color?

6. What is their section of the newspaper?

7. Where and when (month and day) did you first meet?

Companionship and sex in marriage relationships

 Companionship

Dr. Henry Wilson when Bishop of Chelmsford, in his research about marriage found out that the second reason as to why women get married is companionship. It is next to love. He added that the daily living of men and women in marriage requires quality friendship. This caters for the social and emotional well being of the couple.

In the past, a good woman was classified in functional terms as: a mother, a cook, a nurse in her home; and a husband as a provider, and a hard worker.However, what we need   and expect today are the interpersonal skills and abilities to love, communicate, support and nurture each other every day and through the life crises. If we fail to do these it indicates our inability to adjust from the old style of life to the new design which yields intimacy. Let us learn to adjust, so that we get the best results out of our relationships. 

How does your partner look at you? A friend or a terrorist, tyrant, “soldier”! Search your heart, it will reveal to you who you are. And if you realize you are not good to your partner, devise means to change before you lose him or her.