MAKING A STRONG MARRIAGE

WHAT MAKES A STRONG MARRIAGE?

NICK Stinnett found six qualities which are useful in making happy and stable marriages. When they lacked in certain homes, the couples divorced.

Appreciation: spouses have high expectations of being appreciated.  This has to be done regularly and frequently. They need affection, praising and encouragement.  In doing this the self-esteem of your partner goes high and feels the worth of being a member in that family. Marriage partners complain of falling out of love- most often it is not so, they have simply stopped affirming each other and take themselves for granted.  Communication of sincere appreciation is the barometer of a happy marriage.

ANGER IN MRRRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS

Anger in Marriage and relationships

Feelings of anger are inevitable in marriage when two people have decided to live together sharing their lives. People give up their separateness and join in interdependence. The way a married couple handles angering situations will determine their success and happiness. 

Anger is a normal human emotion and it is much part of us. It is the natural emotional response to frustration and uncertainty conveying a message telling us that something is wrong. Anger is a not so much an attack as it is a cry for help and love. This cry needs to be met as soon as it is noticed and for the relationship to be restored. When couples get angry they are basically saying that they love the other person too much to let the frustration the relationship.  The opposite of love is not anger, but apathy and disinterest.  Couples should handle the symptoms of anger to keep their love burning.

COMMUNICATION THE HINGE FOR WORKING RELATIONSHIPS

Communication is the act of transferring information from one place to another. It may be Spoken or Verbal Communication: face-to-face, telephone, radio, television or other media; Non-Verbal by body language, gestures, dress, action or scent; or written in letters, e-mails, books, magazines, the Internet or other media. Regardless of the type, the desired outcome or goal of any communication process is understanding. The participants have to negotiate their role in this process, whether consciously or unconsciously.

In the face-to-face communication the roles of the sender and receiver are not distinct as both parties communicate with each other, eye-contact, and general body language voice tone give clues to our mood or emotional state. Being able to communicate effectively is the most important of all life skills.

First Response: The course of a conflict is not determined by the person who initiates, but by the person who responds. Stephen Covey wrote that we have response ability. You may feel it's okay to strike at someone verbally because, "He is picking a fight with me." You may be correct, but that person does not have the power to decide whether a fight actually occurs. That power rests with the responder. As Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." You can be turn anger into a better situation if you properly season your words. Your wife's sin does not give you free license to sin in return.   With this principle of first response, we can redirect a poorly spoken comment

HONEYMOON AT HOME CAN BE MEMORABLE

 Most newlyweds are eager to go relax after the many hustles of preparing the wedding day. They bother a lot to find a visa and other travel documents so that they hold a memorable honey moon. However, you can make a memorable honey moon at home. Here is the way to plan a romantic, home based honeymoon! Read on.

Get off line

Just as you wouldn’t spend two weeks in Paris or Zanzibar in an internet café browsing, similarly do not pay attention to the emails and voicemails during your stay at home honey moon. The number one rule to guide you is no cell phones, no computers. Tell the people you will be travelling abroad so they won’t show up at your door.

Order in or eat out

To further make it different from the normal home routine, let someone else do the work of feeding the two of you. Eat out at very meal, order in or prepare a bunch of food ahead of time. If a nearby bed-and-breakfast is within your budget, go there for a night or several.

THE FIVE LOVE ACTS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

Love isn’t simply a talk but action; I feel we should drive through some activities that can revive and bring to life our relationships, particularly the marriages. The following five acts of love that will surely rock your marriage!  If you and your spouse will implement them into your marriage you will always remember this article!

Normally, when people have just got married they simply believe that their love is true and their love will last.  But because we see many suffering divorce, this belief is definitely not enough to keep the marriage healthy and ongoing. I don’t know how you started off in your marriage, happily, sadly, thriving, or stumbling through the gate, every couple needs to learn these acts of love if they want to remain happy.

The first act:  Having fun together

When is the last time you just went out together and had fun? Been a while hasn’t it. Going out to have fun is done by many, before they get married, and as soon as they marry, they forget it. Some people give excuses for this such as children, money, time .etc. do not allow these factors to keep you from having fun together! Find a day in a week or a month for having fun with your spouse. Make no excuses to miss. Even if you got a conflict, ignore it for the sake of your outing.  You can discuss the issues calmly when you return home and not on that day. Having fun brought you together, so doing it keeps you going.

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR FIANCE' BEFORE MARRIAGE

How much do you know about your fiancé’! Relationships and marriage matters;

It matters a lot to know who you are before you get married. I have this time chosen to bring you these questions to find out how much you know the one you intend to marry. Knowing is a sign of caring. You need to learn daily! Knowing your fiancé’s or spouse’s back ground, tastes and interests is good for you.

The questions designed are as follows:-

1. What is their full name?

2. What is their favorite flavor of ice cream?

3. What was or is their favorite subject in school?

4. How old were they when they first kissed?

5. What is their favorite color?

6. What is their section of the newspaper?

7. Where and when (month and day) did you first meet?

Companionship and sex in marriage relationships

 Companionship

Dr. Henry Wilson when Bishop of Chelmsford, in his research about marriage found out that the second reason as to why women get married is companionship. It is next to love. He added that the daily living of men and women in marriage requires quality friendship. This caters for the social and emotional well being of the couple.

In the past, a good woman was classified in functional terms as: a mother, a cook, a nurse in her home; and a husband as a provider, and a hard worker.However, what we need   and expect today are the interpersonal skills and abilities to love, communicate, support and nurture each other every day and through the life crises. If we fail to do these it indicates our inability to adjust from the old style of life to the new design which yields intimacy. Let us learn to adjust, so that we get the best results out of our relationships. 

How does your partner look at you? A friend or a terrorist, tyrant, “soldier”! Search your heart, it will reveal to you who you are. And if you realize you are not good to your partner, devise means to change before you lose him or her.

THE GENUINE LOVE COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGES

The love you promise to your spouse should be genuine

Commitment to love: many couples promise their undying love at the altar and yet in a few years their love turns sour. Where does the promise of affection, excitement, happiness and romance go? When we hear or see divorce taking place, we understand that the promises were inadequate.

Have you seen someone clinging on another claiming that they love them? There is real confusion as to how to distinguish erotic infatuation from genuine lasting love. 

A lot of confusion originates in the learning of faulty attitudes. Many people confuse sex with love. Friend, the two are different. To this kind of people the main motif for marriage is sexual. If anything goes wrong they justify divorce on the ground that the passion has gone out of the relationship or when they have gotten a more sexually attractive alternative.

TRUST AND INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS

What makes a marriage and a family?

Have you taken time to consider what makes a successful marriage relationship? A marriage functions when it is understood as a life-long commitment to nurturing each other’s physical, psychological and social needs, actively seeking ways of loving each other and giving a sense of belonging, making oneself available as a friend and a sexual partner and ensuring the best conditions for promotion of the life of children and spouses.

 Marriage involves:- a recognition of emotional needs; a commitment to meeting needs through caring action; an effective communication system; a capacity to adjust to changing needs and to nurture each other and the relationship throughout  the marriage.

Adultery the breaker of relationships and marriage bonds!

 THE TALE OF A DEAD CHILD
Adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse(Dictionary.com). Wikipedia  puts it that adultery is a type of extramarital sex. Historically, adultery has been considered to be a serious offense by many cultures and it almost always constitutes grounds for divorce.

Adultery involving a married woman and a man other than her husband was considered a very serious crime. And  an adulterer is a person who engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse.Adultery is considered by Christians to be immoral and a sin, if you read the  passage in 1 Corinthians 6:9–10.

Here I bring you the impact of adultery on James and Rose's marriage
James and Rose have been happily married for four years now. In this period they begot a baby girl who is now two years of age. They are Christians and James holds a respectable position in the church.

Parents and adolescent children

Handling adolescent children

At adolescent age, parents have to change the way of dealing with their children; to renegotiate the relationship between them and their children.

Change technique: at adolescence, children reach a level of self sufficiency whereby they require less help in their studies and with their duties and fewer summons. Many parents are not ready for this and continue treating their children as if they were still small: this does not usually work.

Accept the psychological changes in an adolescent: Children at this age tend to have defiant attitude. As long as this does not get out of hand, parents should understand that this constitutes part of their psychological development and they should not over react to this behavior.

Apply caution in certain areas of hazardous behavior: Adolescence is accompanied by several risks which young people should be warned about; violent or high risk sports, drugs, sex, antisocial behavior and others.

Be prepared for emotional changes; in adolescence it is possible that children feel less close to their parents, insecure, embarrassed when with relatives, nervous with bruised self esteem… this emotional turmoil should be seen as a passing phase and parents need to exercise patience and treat their children with friendliness as opposed to bad temperateness.

Family instabilities

It is every one’s desire to make a stable and peaceful family. In fact when things have fallen apart elsewhere, our utmost desire would be getting rest at home.In our dreams we imagine an ideal home, where all issues are handled amicably; when mum and dad are at peace, and in agreement in matters at home. In the same way, when such peace is present at home, the children find joy to stay.Unfortunately, this kind of environment is no more in most of our homes. Different circumstances have brought disorganization and disharmony in our homes.

This time the environment got sour because of a pregnancy that one of the most loved children begot. It is said that in this home, there was a lot of love between the parents themselves and their children too. One of the girls was much more loved by her father and on several occasion he even moved with her.

This girl attended school and her performance was always pleasing to the parents. She was in her vacation after finishing high school and waiting to join university.  In this vacation is when she got the pregnancy.