How to prevent divorce

Divorce can be prevented because it is not good. Psychotherapists and medics have put the following preventive measures in place for us. Please read them!
Resolution of conflicts: To overcome the array of conflicts which necessarily arise out of living together, it is necessary to be well prepared in conflict resolution skills.
 
Constant verbal exchange: A lack verbal exchange and effective communication is a very subtle, pernicious problem in married life. Regular conversation, from the most inconsequential to the most intimate, is imperative. This activity strengthens trust, friendship and loving bonds.
 
Share authority and duties: An authoritarian attitude on the part of one or both of the spouses may trigger a crisis. In a relationship founded on love the greater part of one’s happiness is found in making a loved one happy. It is therefore necessary to share the different duties incumbent in living as a couple or a family and reaching agreements which please both partners concerning the distribution of these responsibilities.
 
Do not think marriage is a fairy tale: Spouses should never expect a perfect relationship which fully satisfies them in all aspects. It they think like this their disappointment and dissatisfaction will be such that they want to separate. Both have to think that a happy marriage is only achieved with a good measure of endeavor and sacrifice on both parts. And even with good will on both parts, the relationship will go through some frustrating moments.

DIVORCE AND CAUSES OF DIVORCE

Divorce is a growing problem. Only in countries where it is legally restricted it is under control. But why do people get divorced? The explanations offered by divorcees  to lawyers or judges could well be stereotypical, convenient answers to avoid drawing the process out any longer than is necessary.

The real causes perhaps remain hidden or are confided only to the closest family or friends. One of the most reliable sources are the psychotherapists who help one or other partner to overcome the crisis.

Coming to agreement with someone to take on a marital relationship is a good but very challenging action. If we enjoy any harmonious life, we must celebrate that. On the other hand when things do not go right, the loved ones may find themselves tearing up each other. Divorce to many, is the option.

The psychotherapists Whilsman,M.A., Dixon,A.E.,and Johnson,B. in 1998 in their findings about divorce put up the following four issues to be the main causes of divorce in descending order:

• Communication problems; couples say, “We don’t understand each other”.
• Problems of authority; “we can’t reach agreements. Both of us want to be in control”.
• Unrealistic expectations; “marriage should be something marvelous.”
• Sexuality; “I am not satisfied with our sex life.”

THE SIX DIMENSIONS OF DIVORCE

Getting divorced is no simple matter. It requires different areas being dealt with at different times. This transforms the process into something slow, drawn out and painful. The fact is divorce where children are involved may never end as one may get divorced from a spouse but not from one’s children. Paul Bohannan, identified six important dimensions in the area of divorce (Bohannan, P, .1970)

Emotional divorce: before a divorce is made public, and official, the couple will pass through a period of strong emotional change. It is a distressing stage in which one or both of them have decided on taking legal steps.  The love that once existed has turned into hate, resentment and hostility. Some people feel so much psychic pain that they turn to alcohol or other substances in an attempt to put the matter out of the mind. There are those who fall into deep depression, others come down with some illness, due to the low levels of defenses. Loneliness is a fairly widespread feeling, since outwardly the marriage appears to work but actually both spouses feel tremendously alone.

Legal divorce: the day comes when the divorce papers have to be presented. Every country has its own legislation in this respect. However, all of them demand a long list of documents, declarations, and proceedings.  It is a very unpleasant experience which only serves to emphasize the frustration. At this stage the couple is no longer living together, but they have to come into contact to exchange papers, to sign documents and so on. Besides the many displeasures, a long list of bureaucratic fees has to be faced which can mount up to a sizeable sum.