DIVORCE AND CAUSES OF DIVORCE

Divorce is a growing problem. Only in countries where it is legally restricted it is under control. But why do people get divorced? The explanations offered by divorcees  to lawyers or judges could well be stereotypical, convenient answers to avoid drawing the process out any longer than is necessary.

The real causes perhaps remain hidden or are confided only to the closest family or friends. One of the most reliable sources are the psychotherapists who help one or other partner to overcome the crisis.

Coming to agreement with someone to take on a marital relationship is a good but very challenging action. If we enjoy any harmonious life, we must celebrate that. On the other hand when things do not go right, the loved ones may find themselves tearing up each other. Divorce to many, is the option.

The psychotherapists Whilsman,M.A., Dixon,A.E.,and Johnson,B. in 1998 in their findings about divorce put up the following four issues to be the main causes of divorce in descending order:

• Communication problems; couples say, “We don’t understand each other”.
• Problems of authority; “we can’t reach agreements. Both of us want to be in control”.
• Unrealistic expectations; “marriage should be something marvelous.”
• Sexuality; “I am not satisfied with our sex life.”

The other reasons include: absence of loving feelings; conflicts of values; personality problems; marital infidelity; lack of affection; and money issues.

Less frequently abuse toward a spouse, abuse toward children, homosexuality, alcohol and drug abuse are also added to the causes of divorce.

There are also sociological and geographical reasons leading to divorce. Do you know them? Here they are!

Legal context: in countries with laws which facilitate divorce, there are higher incidences of divorce than in those countries which place many legal obstacles before people who wish to get divorced.

The feminist movement: women have correctly grown to understand that being a wife is not synonymous for slavery, and many women with dysfunctional marriages have themselves taken the steps to get a divorce.

Economic development: divorce is much popular in economically developed countries. Divorce requires economic means for surviving after the break up, especially for the women who in many countries are denied such financial self sufficiency.

Lifestyle: our environment today is very stressful and has cultivated impatience, hostility and intolerance in men and women. If these traits appear in a couple’s life it becomes very hard to stay together, hence divorce.

The divorce culture:  some countries have a divorce culture. Divorce is a common long time tradition, people have lived with it. It is normal life, they have accepted it.

Social approval: it is increasingly frequent to find children of formerly married parents staying with siblings in other families such as with uncles, and grandparents. So the divorced get little pressure.

The absence of religious fiber: when people expel religious meaning from their lives, they do the same in their marriages. Marriage becomes a contract between the two.

Whereas divorce seems to be a solution to certain situation, it may be one of the most traumatic experiences of one’s life. It is therefore necessary to try every available means to avoid divorce and achieve satisfaction.