The laws of love

Balance; the first law of love

There is no pure formula for a love relationship. Every relationship will have its own unique mix and balance of motives and style of love. A balance in love styles involves an awareness of emotions and needs and a commitment to learning how best to express and fulfill them in order to express one’s deepest appreciation and affection for the other.

Elements for each style of love serve a helpful purpose. Romantic love idealizes the other, affirming each other’s strengths. Mutual dependency reminds each other of the commitment to fulfill the other’s needs. Friendships love ensures an enduring bond on which love may grow. Egoistic love suggests a pride in knowing that each belongs to the other. Altruistic concern offers an active, caring ingredient to a relationship. However, when a couple’s relationship is stuck in only one or two styles of love the relationship becomes unbalanced and real needs which are met by the other styles of love go unfulfilled.

Second law of love: Love grows only when nurtured.

Getting married is no guarantee of staying married. If you were to ask a couple at their wedding about their divorce plans, they would either laugh at you, or withhold your share of the wedding cake! Of course most newlywed couples do not think about divorcing or even being unhappy, let alone plan for it. However, the reason why so many couples do end up unhappy and divorced is that they fail to plan and practice ways of staying happily married.

The art of growing in love is the ability to recognize the strengths and weaknesses within one’s relationship and attempt to build and grow out of the weakness into a more whole, committed and complete love. Some of the characteristics of a growing love relationship are:

• §  Two individuals become as good friends as they are lovers.
• §  Each individual is concerned more with being the right person than trying to change the other person.
• §  Rough times and conflicts are seen as opportunities for deeper understanding and renewal of commitment to each other rather than occasions for blaming and criticism.
• §  Communication becomes increasingly more open and honest, not only in the sharing of differences and negative feelings, but also in sharing affirmation and positive feelings.
• §  Love is seen in thoughtful action as well as in word and tone of voice.

Third Law of Love: Learning to love

Love doesn’t come naturally in all situations. Two individuals become one as they focus their life energies around mutual goals and values and find a deep peacefulness together as they come to know each other and the God who made them for each other. This is thy God, who is love personified, must be present in a relationship. While this may sound like a platitude, it is a truth which can be only tested by experience.

By  Dr.Kevin Howse, et al,(1988) Family matters; A guide to family life. Pp 38-39