What makes a marriage and a family?
Have you taken time to consider what makes a successful
marriage relationship? A marriage functions when it is understood as a
life-long commitment to nurturing each other’s physical, psychological and
social needs, actively seeking ways of loving each other and giving a sense of
belonging, making oneself available as a friend and a sexual partner and
ensuring the best conditions for promotion of the life of children and spouses.
Marriage involves:- a recognition of emotional needs; a commitment to meeting
needs through caring action; an effective communication system; a capacity to
adjust to changing needs and to nurture each other and the relationship throughout
the marriage.
Commitment to each other’s needs
Couples marry for the strangest reasons. What keeps people married
is when basic emotional and physical needs are met willingly and unconditionally.
When these needs are not met, then the rewards of marriage are outweighed by
frustrations, neglect, rejection and conflict. The trust gets eroded and
intimacy is no more. If marriage means anything it must have deep caring for
another human being, by putting away self interest in favor of the spouse’s
interest. When there is no care, trust breaks down and the foundation of the
relationship cracks. There must be trust in a relationship if it must survive. Trust grows
as partners prove trustworthy.
Partners learn overtime that the risk of loving selflessly,
caring for and sharing oneself vulnerably with the other will be met with
respect, appreciation, and unconditional acceptance.
Why marriages may not work out?
The reasons are enormous, but there is one which is usually not
mentioned in courts; both marriage partners are waiting for the other to meet their
needs. Words are rarely believed until they become actions. Marriages hold when
there is exchange of action which meets needs and demonstrates a commitment to
the partnership. When there is little or no action there is likely hood of
little or no commitment.
Intimacy must be added to trust in order to make the
relationship a marriage. Intimacy is distinguished by the following
characteristics:- the spouses interact frequently, they fill incomplete when
separated, they disclose personal information not shared with anyone else, they
develop mutually –agreed goals and values, they are open in praising and
disagreeing with each other and invest their energies in interests which they
feel nurture the relationship.
Intimacy is much more than the degree of sexual relatedness.
It is covenant commitment to each other’s total welfare. We don’t marry to
share a few things but sharing of all of oneself. It is true the spouses are
separate individuals but they must share and depend on each other in many
aspects including marital closeness, intellectual sharing, recreational
interests, emotional support and social interaction.
Intimacy grows out of basic human needs, and as it is for
the development of trust, intimacy depends on the ability to meet each other’s
needs. A couple should strive to have
total intimacy.
Threats to intimacy
When the married start manipulating
each other, get very busy, feel guilty, distance themselves, intimacy is at
stake. They start expressing anger because they are frustrated. When you do
away with those barriers, the anger subsides.
In a healthy marriage; love, sympathy, understanding,
acceptance and a sense of belonging meet the spouse’s emotional requirements. Friendship,
esteem, respect and recognition ensure companionship.
Marriage is meant to provide a stable and safe environment
to live, work and plan the future; provide security and protection from threats
and dangers.
What is your view? Does it work for you!
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