Handling adolescent
children
At adolescent age, parents have to change the way of dealing
with their children; to renegotiate the relationship between them and their
children.
Change technique:
at adolescence, children reach a level of self sufficiency whereby they require
less help in their studies and with their duties and fewer summons. Many
parents are not ready for this and continue treating their children as if they
were still small: this does not usually work.
Accept the
psychological changes in an adolescent: Children at this age tend to have
defiant attitude. As long as this does not get out of hand, parents should
understand that this constitutes part of their psychological development and
they should not over react to this behavior.
Apply caution in certain
areas of hazardous behavior: Adolescence is accompanied by several risks
which young people should be warned about; violent or high risk sports, drugs,
sex, antisocial behavior and others.
Be prepared for
emotional changes; in adolescence it is possible that children feel less
close to their parents, insecure, embarrassed when with relatives, nervous with
bruised self esteem… this emotional turmoil should be seen as a passing phase
and parents need to exercise patience and treat their children with
friendliness as opposed to bad temperateness.
Be prepared to observe problems between
siblings: Adolescents frequently behave belligerently towards their older
or young sisters. It is good to know that this tends to disappear or at least
to ease , toward the end of this stage as the adolescent feel more surely of
him or herself.
Understand the role
of friends and companions: These exert a strong influence on an adolescent.
Parents should not be surprised when their children regard their friend’s opinion
as almost sacred. This will also wane as they become more mature.
Allow adult help from
outside home: Adolescents usually display a negative attitude towards
parental advice. An uncle’s advise or that of a teacher or a family friend may
be more influential than that of their parents’.
Leave them to
participate in family decisions: Adolescents should take part in drawing up
rules and making decisions that affect the family circle. Although the moment
has not yet arrived for the adolescent’s decision to prevail; rather their
parents should have the last word.
Agree on questions of
discipline: When parents are not in agreement on criteria concerning rules
and discipline the family relationship may be impaired. It may sometimes be the
case that an adolescent pleases one parent and displeases the other. This is
very unfavorable both for the adolescent and for the spouses’ relationship.
Stick together in a
vital relation: The adolescent stage is accompanied by sufficient stress to
cause negative effects on parents. However, if these support each other, loving
and consoling each other in the difficult times, their children may provoke,
they will more quickly and efficiently find solutions for their problems.
Adolescence is not a
problem
Perhaps this is surprising; it is true that some adolescents
are rebellious, unstable and difficult. But the fact that problems arise during
this stage does not convert adolescence into a problem. The birth of a baby
also gives rise to difficulties, but it is a natural, normal and a common
event. Adolescence is something similar.
It is the most promising stage: we both parents and
educator, have to get used to observing adolescence from a perspective of
normality. Some psychologists equate this stage of life to a second birth,
which like the first requires preparation.
It is the moment of great ideals. This is what provokes
great conflicts between parents and adolescents who see them with all their
defects unlike during infancy.
It is a stage charged with dreams and hopes. The adolescent
is making a final effort to become a member of the adult world. It is like a
leap from cocoon to butterfly, which often proves to be painful, like a birth,
but also full of promise.
An adolescent needs to be understood and loved more than
ever. Although he makes mistakes he has to feel that his parents are with him
above all else.
We also need to look back to our own adolescence when in
doubt about how to face a difficult situation, so that we may find a suitable
answer to the adolescence issues.
(Dr. Julian Melgosa and Annette.D. Melgosa,- New lifestyle to
couples. Pp.96-97
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