Design governing principles to make good relationships and marriages!

What would you like your family to be like? I mean do you have a picture of what you want your family should be before you make it? This is then the aim of this time’s write up.

Am compelled to write about it because I have seen many relationships and marriages running on unending crises, moods, quick fixes and instant self gratifications instead of sound principles that govern the way of life and bring harmony in homes.

It is very easy to see a relationship or a marriage which is not working on right principles for the symptoms are evident on the surface more so whenever there is stress and pressure. People become very critical; sometimes silent or they start yelling and overreacting.

The children, who see these kinds of behaviors, happen to grow up thinking that the only to solve problems is fighting or flight.

For the reason that I hate fighting and unbecoming behavior in the would be lovely homes, I wish to invite you all to learn that there are correct, changeless principles and values that we can share to live happily.

Love and social relationships need a strong character foundation

Your character is the foundation of the kind of relationship you have between you and others. Stop telling people that I am like that; that’s me and so on. People who have learnt effectiveness know it that they have to control situations but not the situations to control them.

Relationships that work are based on a strong foundation of character. When we start a relationship we need to build it and maintain it. Without trust the best we can do is to compromise; without trust, we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication and real reactivity.

But if our emotional account is high, credibility is no longer an issue. Enough deposits have been made so that you know that we deeply respect each other. We are focused on the issues, not on personalities or positions.

Because we trust each other, we are open. We put our cards on table and deliberate on them. Even when we see things differently, I know that you are willing to listen with respect. Both of us are committed to try to understand each other,s point of view deeply and to work together for a better alternative that will be a better answer for both of us.

when children lose their parents suffering crops in!!

The danger of losing a parent while young!

This is not new to anyone of us, we have seen it all over, but I need to place it into writing so that we can attach some value to what happens around us. If it is not you, it is on someone in your neighbor hood, in your community or somewhere else in the world, but it has happened. Probably you have seen at school.

It affects all children, but it happens to be worse when it comes to the girl child. I am not being biased but when you take closer observation, they suffer much more bitterly. Their suffering is beyond misery.

Let me share with you Jennifer’s story.  At this time she is thirty years of age. This is how it all started. Jennifer was born in a family of four siblings and happened to be the youngest. The first two children are boys and the last two are the girls. Their parents died when Jennifer the youngest was still very young. They lived in a place which was close to a city but these children knew none of their relatives.

Jennifer says that she was told that her father’s death was caused by fever which came simply and in a few days he was no more. Again, it was just after a month’s time that her mother too died. At that point they were left with no parental care.

In a good marriage, all should play thier part.

 Play your roles to make a lovely home!

The sweetness of a marriage; the joy in a marriage; the peace in a marriage; the success fulness of a marriage; all come when the parties therein play their roles. This time I feel we should look at children and parents’ roles to the in making a lovely home!!

Roles of children in a lovely marriage

Children, it is your duty to obey your parents, for it is the right thing to do. Respect your father and mother, so that you may live a long life on earth. Children even if your parents are meant to love you, obedience is your duty. Children should remember what their parents teach them. They shouldn’t forget those instructions and never to forget them; because when they follow carefully they live longer.

King Solomon wrote that the correct teachings should be carefully followed in a way similar to that we protect our eyes.  Following correct principles and guidelines of life saves us from untimely deaths. Parents get stronger attachments to children who are obedient and find it very easy to provide for them.

When I move through the streets, I find so many children that didn’t receive the correct guidelines that protect them from danger. In the nights you find young girls on the streets selling themselves as prostitutes; they go to disco halls and spend nights there; they dress indecently; one time as I happened to move very early at 4:00am I found ladies who were only dressed in tops which could only cover up to the lower part of the buttocks. The boys smoke, sniff fuels like petrol and consume alcohol.

Relationships and Marriages should be started at the right time!

Remember how you started your relationship; do you think it was the right time? The enjoyment you anticipate in a relationship may not be if you do not start it well. Young children should wait for physical, social, spiritual and economic maturity before they venture into marriage.

Let me use this scenario to explain my point to you dear reader: in my primary school we were mixed both girls and boys. Some boys and girls were of big size than many of us who we short and tiny.

In class seven the last class at primary level in my country, I attended with a fairy big girl by the names of Teopista. The two of us came from same village and in primary seven (P.7) we joined the boarding section to have more time to read seriously so that we pass our finals well.

 On certain weekends, the school allowed us to go home to get personal effects. So Teopista would go home on Friday evenings and reported back to school on Sundays. Certain boys on the village started befriending her and offered simple gifts. With those gifts and money her class seemed to have risen higher than that of the other girls.

We sat for the final national examinations at the end of the year and then took our vacation. During that period Teopista had more time with the village boys. A lot went on. At the end of the vacation period, our results were released. I had passed in grade two (2), she had passed in grade four (4).

Watch your tongue to build a successful marriage relationship!

THE HUMAN TONGUE IN SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES
The tongue is one of the most important organs that the human body has. It is one of the small organs but very useful. The tongue is located within the mouth cavity. A cavity simply means a space. Biologically the tongue is a very important tool; it is used to taste food. It has sections which taste sweetness, saltiness, bitterness and sourness of foods and drinks. If what we are taking in is not good, there is always a response which tries to reject it.

The tongue is used also to kiss. People (loved ones) use it to express love to one another. I hope this is not very new to you my reader.

The human tongue is so useful in communication because it aids speech. Slow speakers usually have a challenge with their tongue. Without a tongue you can speak. May be you can simply be bubbling.
I would like now to open your mind on the way you use your tongue: - ladies and gentlemen, we all stumble in many things, but if any one of us does not stumble in a word, he/she is a perfect person. That person has the power to direct his/her body.

Marriages should be founded on a firm foundation of love

The human need to love should be seen in marriage relationships!

The many modes in which couples and families exist today may be due to wish to break out of established molds or to depart from blind tradition. However, we do not hear that generalized tendency is one of living the life of a hermit, of wanting to isolate ourselves from all others and to have no close relationships.

Very few people can be happy alone. Our most enjoyable activities lose their attraction when they cannot be shared. A couple made of a man and woman who are committed to each other, represents the ideal context in which to reach a reasonable state of happiness, within the imperfection in which we live.

Therefore, the vast majority of people, even in this time of changing values, seek the company of someone of the opposite sex and the legitimization of this relationship. The need to be united with someone who provides friendship, love, support and emotional balance is a universal phenomenon.

 Marriage is a transcendental step, which should be taken for reason. When there are very few reasons this union runs the risk of breaking up. Below we have some valid reasons for marriage that should be taken into account by both parties in order to improve the probabilities of forging a successful marriage:

Good marriages require ample time for courtship!

What is courtship?

Courtship is a selection process by which some options are discarded while others are kept in the mind, according to the qualities and circumstances perceived.

Why should there be courtship before marriage?

There are important psychological and biological differences between a man and a woman. In order to maintain a balanced relationship it is useful to be aware of these differences.

Preparation for marriage does not happen by chance but requires conscious, planned effort on the part of both partners.

The temperament of an individual has enormous effect on the relationship between a man and a woman. To know one’s own temperament and that of the loved one is a very contributing factor to success-fulness of a couple.

The work of getting to know each other and getting ready for living together with someone all your life has a serious bearing on courtship and the success of your marriage.

What family type do you Desire?

Families in the current situation
Nowadays there are many variations on the concept of a couple; thus it is more necessary than ever to be prepared for new challenges.

Living together with no legal tie is today very common, yet it may stimulate certain unease and the wish to normalize the situation on the part of the women.

Loving and being loved is inherent in the human being. Thus the search for a companion is and will continually be a priority for most people.

All along couples and families have existed for ages. A home is our first school and affects the life and future of both parents and the children in there. That is why it is of fundamental importance that a marital relationship be built upon a solid foundation.

Men should learn the strength in Women

The strength in women

The women are the mothers of our nation. When they play their right roles in the homes the children that come from those homes are very useful and productive.

Some cultures have appreciated the value in women but still in many cultures they are marginalized. In the bible I have read about the Jewish culture where if they wanted to count people at a function, they would only count men.

Men should stop marginalizing women; because their lives are in the hands of women.

Who is that successful man who has not had a touch of a serious mother! Tell me where he is!

I would like to narrate you some scenarios in this write up to show you the power in women.

A Ugandan army general died in the hands of a woman. The general was major Kazini. He had survived several wars and gun shorts but simply lost his life when he was hit by a woman called Draru with an Iron bar. Imagine, a woman to kill a general!